48 years ago, I can't believe I'm typing that, 48 years ago the United States of America landed 2 men on the Moon, and they safely returned to Earth.
It only took 7 years from when President Kennedy made his "We will go to the Moon" speech.
Since the '70s there has been talk of returning to the Moon 'within 20 years'. This milestone has been passed TWICE with zero, read that again, ZERO motion on actually making it happen.
Never mind such '70s pipe dreams as landing men on Mars, exploring Asteroids and other things.
"But wait, Steve! Space X and other things blah blah any day now blah blah!"
Nope. Not gonna buy ANY vaporware comments from Billionaires (regardless of how well meaning) until I see hardware being flown, like actual capsules. Publicity stunt cargo lifting don't count for jack crap in my eyes. Get some Man-rated s--t on the launch pad.
Hard truth. We COULD NOT put men on the Moon within 7 years today. All the advances in materials and technology, all the learned knowledge, even if we threw unlimited money at the program (like, you know, get men on the Moon and return safely to Earth within 7 years or the Human Race becomes extinct) it just CAN NOT HAPPEN.
We can't do it. We don't have the infrastructure any more. Even using what boosters we do have, do the early Von Braun 'Earth Orbit Rendezvous' assembly and go from there, we just can not build anything in that timeframe.
Yes, I did try to kill myself. Yes it was a dumb, stupid, selfish, childish, everything thing to do. Yes, I can say it was yet another failure on my part but in this case, it's OK.
I underwent treatment. The pressures and stress that led me to take such drastic action have not abated but rather been turned to '11'. I am struggling to overcome.
Now I sit in a friend's house, using a borrowed PC as decades of my fannish life is destroyed, uncaring, unconcerned. It is an attempt to erase me, revenge for being the unwelcome, unwanted baggage of an awkward marriage. Revenge for being a child beloved by his mother. Revenge for being a person who *gasp* read for PLEASURE, Enjoyment, not just for the needs of the moment like to pass a stupid English class. How dare I have such superior airs? Did I think I was better than them? They're sure showing me now!
F**k them all with a cactus AND porcupine, sideways. Dance all you want in your small world, My world is all of space!
I do not have my beloved Mac. I don't know how often I can check in. Just so you all know.
By the time this is read, I will be dead. Unless I can't even do that right. I have taken an overdose of sleeping pills.
I don't do this lightly. I would rather have not done this at all, but the actions of my stepbrothers give me no other choice, or option. I hope I don't screw this up, but my track record hasn't been the best lately.
So many people I wish I could say goodbye to. So many of them have fallen out of touch.
A special note to all the women I have known:
Ardith, Shana G, Lisa(whitecrow0), Lisa T (adrenalisa), Jamie (lori) Y, Krystal (akristacat), Emma, Leslie, Lauren, others.
I'm glad we met. I regret Not being able to speak one more time. Please know you all touch my life.
I wonder what people will say about me when I'm gone. It's an odd, morbid thought to be sure, but there just comes a time when such things weigh on one's mind.
Naturally I would never know, unless things work a LOT different than usually believed. Man, I don't think I want to be a ghost just hanging around.
We all want to be thought well of. I would like to believe I've had an overall positive effect on the people I've known but then again, some seem to think I'm the biggest monster they've ever known, and for the life of me I have no idea that anything, any thing I've done deserved that kind of treatment.
I rather imagine the main comment will end up being "the guy just could never catch a break". And maybe that's not exactly fair, maybe phrasing it "couldn't really exploit and expand on what breaks he did catch" is more honest. I've been told I'm my own worst enemy and man, I've known that for a very long time. Doesn't seem to make a difference, something always goes wrong. I can do everything right down the line and it still goes wrong.
I guess some things are just not meant to be, huh?